Originally published September 11, 2011, at Creative Dream Journals.
I have been a fangirl my whole life. At the age of four, I began a three-year obsession with The Monkees. I could sing all their songs by heart. Every afternoon, I sat wide-eyed and mesmerized by reruns of their TV shows. I daydreamed about The Monkees.
Now I’m forty-one, and I’m still like this. Mostly musicians, sometimes actors, occasionally authors. Mostly men, occasionally women. They captivate me for a while, and I listen to their music over and over, watch all their movies, memorize their books, and spend hours searching YouTube for interviews with them.
But I’m proud of my fangirldom, because I know exactly what I’m doing. Once upon a time, when I was very young, I heard this advice: “Women should become the men they want to marry.” I thought this was brilliant. Because what we’re drawn to, what we’re attracted to, is really ourselves—deep, essential dimensions of ourselves that we want to more fully integrate.
So my obsession with The Monkees was about humor and energy and friendship. My teenage obsession with David Bowie was about crossing boundaries—breaking out of old confines and moving into forbidden territory. In my twenties, The Beatles were all about my creativity—some colorful, right-brain freedom to let my mind wander and create beauty. Right now, I’m cultivating a sense of centeredness, confidence in expressing my own unique perspective, authority over the conditions of my life, and a natural commitment to my own truth—and I can tell you anything you want to know about Johnny Depp.
So how to be a fangirl? Just give in, as you would to any other passion. Find the people who draw your attention, the people you admire, and immerse yourself. Absorb them. Find out what it is about them that’s so captivating, and know, without a doubt, that those qualities are your own. They’re who you really are—the aspects of you that you want to more fully express, the colors of you that you want to brighten, your greatest gifts and truest purposes, about to come into the sun.